.a written note.

As I be with A, the sound of his laughter over the silly things I say and the way he speaks makes us think of things like we have kept a rear-view mirror in front of our eyes. As we sit on the floor, talking endlessly, I remember I'm doing this after what it feels like ages. The tiny little houses we see from here form an association with the things we talk about and I realize what I needed to. The usual food we make suddenly tastes better because we know we're together. This too will pass. The oldness will cover up the time that we choose to share today. But the words will echo, making too many spaces in my life that I have emptied feel grassy again. The walls inside me have absorbed the sounds and the scent of this time just so life may fade it but it'll never go away. Sometimes the walls seem to have imaginary hands that do not let me get back, and I'm pretty sure those walls aren't always called home. The desire to peek at the places I see from the same mir...

In my head, it feels heavy today. The feeling of heaviness disappears and suddenly I feel nothing. As I stand here not knowing what's going on, the winds since morning blow the same way they usually do but seem to have a kind of warmth they rarely do. Its summer but the clouds tell me that it'll rain today. Its evening and I'm walking alone at this garden having no one around. When it pours, I feel sadder. Sadder than I felt in the afternoon. I don't understand why, when it rains, do I feel so lost. Lost or perhaps, I feel most comfortable when it rains. It contradicts. Like I've come home. Not where I belong, but somewhere I can stay for a while. Until I  recognize the next clear path that seemed foggy some time ago. Is it always about keeping up with our pathways and not about pausing for a moment because we've come a long way? Is it always about knowing everything and not about being real and admitting we're still learning? I am on my way ...