.a written note.

Things to be sorted out were all I'd kept in the pending zone of my mind, a number of days before and after I turned nineteen. I called my meet with N a break I probably needed but its too soon to call it a break and to give myself one in the first place. My meet with N, the time we spent together in a complete different place, perhaps, was nameless. Without any label. And maybe, I truly hope, maybe, the very anonymity of it was what I needed to occupy the meantime. The meantime when there were huge possibilities of me doing the unnecessary and getting myself stuck in yet another mess. There lay gladness in me initially. Gladness of knowing I'm still capable enough to be flexible and let things happen as they do, take life as it comes. To accept the unacceptable and rearrange the could-have-been-broken parts. To deny the guilt and hatred and define change in a new way. It was a little hard to know the gladness lay somewhere inside due to the presence of confusion, ...

And there she is. N. Standing in the crowd. Her eyes reflecting the eagerness as she waits for me. I see her. She hugs me. Hugs me tight. The glow her face becomes full of, she smiles. Spreading her own beauty all over her face. I continue seeing her. Not just her, I can see what she's become throughout the time she's been away. That's where I take a wrong turn. She hasn't been away. She's been somewhere completely her kind. In a metro city. Full of happening things. She hasn't been much simple, I remember. N and J talk for a while. Both smiling constantly. I don't understand why. We wave J bye as she has some work to do and we head towards N's place. On our way, I guess either my jokes have improved or she's too happy. She giggles. A lot. Still not believing I've come for her. Oh, how happy she is! Probably more than I am. So many plans she has for us. We reach her place within a few minutes and we spend the next two hours laughing. Abou...

The first week of yet another new year. Somehow, the child in me keeps quiet and I do realize things don't remotely get better just because a new year begins. They will if I keep myself positive. Like everything seems beautiful, if I seek the beauty everywhere, in everything. J arrives in the city. Having met just after two months, though it feels like ages, makes everything so happening. I can see a specific glow on her perfect face. A glow of getting better, having made it through the hardest times of her life. But I see she's now skinnier. And so she makes me listen every complaint she has regarding her hostel-mess. Everything is just the same. Her voice, tone, her expressions. She's become strong. A strong lady rather than a girl. And the way she feels safe saying to me that I was there when she needed a shelter, makes me feel accomplished. We talk, we laugh, exchange tons of high-fives all the time we're together. She raises her thumb up, smiling like the l...