.a written note.

Things to be sorted out were all I'd kept in the pending zone of my mind, a number of days before and after I turned nineteen. I called my meet with N a break I probably needed but its too soon to call it a break and to give myself one in the first place. My meet with N, the time we spent together in a complete different place, perhaps, was nameless. Without any label. And maybe, I truly hope, maybe, the very anonymity of it was what I needed to occupy the meantime. The meantime when there were huge possibilities of me doing the unnecessary and getting myself stuck in yet another mess. There lay gladness in me initially. Gladness of knowing I'm still capable enough to be flexible and let things happen as they do, take life as it comes. To accept the unacceptable and rearrange the could-have-been-broken parts. To deny the guilt and hatred and define change in a new way. It was a little hard to know the gladness lay somewhere inside due to the presence of confusion, ...

Freedom is what I seek, looking out of my untitled dream. Fantasy comes along since I live and exist at the same time. I pray to you, the Lord of the Lords, although I know not the prayers, I need not the words..to converse with you and demand. My silence gets heard, so I believe. Just a soul I am perhaps, in the world that is now familiar. Filled with anonymity and worth. I pray to you, the Lord of the Lords, to help me solve the mysteries. I'm a river that doesn't follow, but flows in a direction nonetheless. I am yet to meet my ocean of desires. I am yet to know the truths that are meant for me to know. I pray to you, the Lord of my soul, to make for me my pathways visible. To let me know one good reason why I exist. To free the ways that belong to me. To free me from the ways I've left behind.

And here I happen to sneak out of another year, 2011. Its beautiful how both heart and mind recall every little thing from the very start of that year. I mean everything. The good and the bad. The hope and the strength I needed to build it up. The betrayals and how I learned to let go. The music I learned to play and the involvement I discovered. The mistakes, the times I regretted 'em. The sports I continued and my newly found capacities. New feelings I felt, new lessons I learned. Its going to be another year, 2012. I haven't yet understood who's the creator of this universe, whether its God or the people like us. Ordinary people and their unusual souls. Whoever that may be, I felt it right this morning to be said some things to someone who wasn't there, didn't hear my words. After all the chaos and beauty of this life, all I can do, want to do is hope. There are things I honestly hope for. A better tomorrow again. I hope I realize things before its to...

A warm hello to all of you! I feel it is this Blogger-World that made me return here with this new blog along with new things to pen down, same old words but a new way to express them in front of y'all. Its the love from the readers like you that makes me want to open up my heart and life with no second thoughts. I have felt blessed to read your appreciative mails and the way you fed me back regarding my previous blog, just so you know. It was amazing how it pleased me every time a new mail appeared into my inbox no matter whether a known person or a stranger sent it! Reading your mails has always been a pleasing thing! With this new and now-permanent blog, revolving around some old and many new things, needless to say that your suggestions will always hold a welcome from my side like they did before. With uncountable words, here comes the same old me, glad to have my old readers and excited to meet the new ones, to try exploring something new!