.a written note.

I consider myself fairly blessed for having come across The Blogspot. Its been a year since I came here and started sharing every word with you all, my readers, with no second thoughts and I guess it happened naturally! Like my readers deserved it. I believe that you do have the rights to know about me. You deserve the honesty. To confess, there are many things that blogspot taught me. I never really tried venting out here but that's okay, I mean I never really had to. Because the moment I started typing my thoughts and certain things, it always made me feel good. Complete. Blogspot never really gave me ways to express in any kind of desperation. It perhaps knew what I actually needed to rather than what I wanted. It kept the desperation away but introduced me with simple but beautiful ways to think with. It teaches me that being who I am is okay. That its far better than being who I'm not. So, hello, I'm gonna have to reveal 10 things about me that my readers probably d

A noticed thing that it now has been a year since I came here on Blogspot. In other words, a place where I met myself. Having my family members and friends getting all excited and happy a lot more than me as it was my birthday yesterday, I didn't seem that happy and perhaps they knew it. I just felt different. My birthday, a day I don't really get excited about from the beginning. It was a day, supposedly for everyone close and closer to me to be concerned only about me. So they spent the day fulfilling the slightest thing I wished, speaking to me as nicely as possible, trying hard to make me feel special. Funny and a great example of how things remotely get perfect. If its anyone else's birthday, I mean anyone else, I'm the one happier than that person. But when its mine, I don't understand why the excitement doesn't come to me naturally. Imperfect, remotely and supposedly imperfect! I logged in here and realized that I got awarded, for the second time. From

I assume days are passing by and soon it'll be my last day here. With her. The one who calls me her best friend, in its each definition, with as much proud as possible. Sometimes I wonder whether I even understand the reasons behind such proud. She, being the kind of a girl any family would love to have, any stranger would like to meet, doesn't stop letting me know what I mean to her each time we converse. I, being a troublemaker most of the times, like the idea of believing her when she speaks of the place I own in her life and the value she holds for me and more importantly, the idea of believing that I deserve it. We lived our togetherness as much as we could and we're still in the same phase. Its not hunger to grab something that's been away and is now dished in front of you. It is an accomplishment, whatever it means. Of the wait until now. Of making it through the tough times and making yet another precious memories again. As we make our way to this pla

And we spend the next few days roaming and laughing around, talking about things, people, spending time with each other. Like we used to. All the time, when we lived in the same city. We walk. Walk a few kilometers. There's that something different in the breeze ever since I came to meet her. Something that tells us not to recall the sadness we went through some time ago. Something that tells us to live the present. And we behave accordingly. We don't want to recall the only bad time ever since we became friends. We kind of made our way through it and maybe, maybe that's why I'm now feeling that freshness in the winds today. We reach here at this garden. She speaks of her life on our way, her voice, favourite of everyone I know, adds a joyous finishing touch to every thought of mine. The freshness somehow assures me that no matter what happens from now on, with life, nothing can ever be that bad. As today, if I'm able to notice the beauty I can't see but f

She gazes out the window, wondering what can make her swallow her pain.. All she sees are the city things, never the sunlight on the dying grain. The winds blow, touching her cheeks.. Appear the clouds, to not let the Sun burn her skin.. Flowers blossom, knowing she's unwell, wondering if forever, that's where she remains.. She knows all the efforts the nature puts in, not being a stranger. To make her feel good again and not to give in and be the same mess-maker. How she wishes the winds knew, that those remind her of a fragrance.. How she wishes the clouds understood, protecting her, they multiply his absence. The winds blow faster, the flowers grow bigger, Telling her not to be afraid.. The sun goes down like setting a crown, of inspiration and desires, on her head. For her life seems without any pleasing sky, down the street, across the breeze, there comes a butterfly. Asking her if or not can she feel a thing, she looks at it, about to

And there she is. N. Standing in the crowd. Her eyes reflecting the eagerness as she waits for me. I see her. She hugs me. Hugs me tight. The glow her face becomes full of, she smiles. Spreading her own beauty all over her face. I continue seeing her. Not just her, I can see what she's become throughout the time she's been away. That's where I take a wrong turn. She hasn't been away. She's been somewhere completely her kind. In a metro city. Full of happening things. She hasn't been much simple, I remember. N and J talk for a while. Both smiling constantly. I don't understand why. We wave J bye as she has some work to do and we head towards N's place. On our way, I guess either my jokes have improved or she's too happy. She giggles. A lot. Still not believing I've come for her. Oh, how happy she is! Probably more than I am. So many plans she has for us. We reach her place within a few minutes and we spend the next two hours laughing. Abou

I have J resting her head on my shoulder. I don't have much scope to move a bit despite my aching legs for I don't want to wake her up and the crowd of these ladies surrounding us is a little too much. Its cold outside. It makes me shiver but as I feel her breaths, the calm way she's asleep, it becomes a kind of warmth. The kind that tells me who she really is. A warm person. She wakes up suddenly and forces me to get some sleep too but I deny. A warm person. One that she's always been. I feel proud of standing tall with her a few minutes ago, standing tall for the women who had no space to sit. We fought with the ones who didn't cooperate and couldn't understand the whole thing just because bad luck like other helpless ladies' didn't choose them. We fought, nonetheless, still speaking kindly. There are these two poor ladies who look at the two of us, smiling. I get the reason behind their smiles. Such pure smiles. The thankfulness, anyone could

The first week of yet another new year. Somehow, the child in me keeps quiet and I do realize things don't remotely get better just because a new year begins. They will if I keep myself positive. Like everything seems beautiful, if I seek the beauty everywhere, in everything. J arrives in the city. Having met just after two months, though it feels like ages, makes everything so happening. I can see a specific glow on her perfect face. A glow of getting better, having made it through the hardest times of her life. But I see she's now skinnier. And so she makes me listen every complaint she has regarding her hostel-mess. Everything is just the same. Her voice, tone, her expressions. She's become strong. A strong lady rather than a girl. And the way she feels safe saying to me that I was there when she needed a shelter, makes me feel accomplished. We talk, we laugh, exchange tons of high-fives all the time we're together. She raises her thumb up, smiling like the l

And here I happen to sneak out of another year, 2011. Its beautiful how both heart and mind recall every little thing from the very start of that year. I mean everything. The good and the bad. The hope and the strength I needed to build it up. The betrayals and how I learned to let go. The music I learned to play and the involvement I discovered. The mistakes, the times I regretted 'em. The sports I continued and my newly found capacities. New feelings I felt, new lessons I learned. Its going to be another year, 2012. I haven't yet understood who's the creator of this universe, whether its God or the people like us. Ordinary people and their unusual souls. Whoever that may be, I felt it right this morning to be said some things to someone who wasn't there, didn't hear my words. After all the chaos and beauty of this life, all I can do, want to do is hope. There are things I honestly hope for. A better tomorrow again. I hope I realize things before its to