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Monday, 21 May 2012

Smokes in the air


Maybe this is because life currently has become steadily non-happening and so I walk in circles these days, without coming to a halt. I find myself sleeping for more hours than I usually do and probably need. I must be going to sleep feeling longing for something or nothing at all for I feel even number when I wake up. I have things to do but I've kept most of them away for a while. I have friends to meet but I don't go out lately. When I do, its with my cousin brother. The fresh street and head lights add a specific feel to the pretty, happy and busy faces I see on my way and I am just shown another side of my mood that doesn't last long; a feeling as I reach home, knowing I'll again be the same person enjoying solitude.

The time spent playing old games with the ones I have blood relations with put me at ease somehow and I suddenly miss my family. My own people. They're there in front of me but I end up missing them more than ever. I remember how I was brought up along with my cousins. Laughing and playing and completely living.

I do not exactly know what's happening to me. I don't understand what's with being so regarding everything. The more I feel longing and numb afterwards, I find myself thinking more constantly, I repeat, in circles. A thought crosses my mind and I realize I've been holding myself back for quite a long time and I now know what direction I may go in. I feel its time. I'd seen this coming.
I've been sleeping more, eating less and getting injured more often only to find mother asking me what's wrong. I can feel I weigh less than I did just a month ago. I figure I myself wonder the same and I swear I am fine. And that nothing's wrong. Nothing.

As much as I'm not able to enjoy Summer this year, I am being dragged closer to the layers that surround everything inside me. The layers often having torn up into pieces and that I keep nurturing and know I'll continue to, with a nameless hope that they'd someday be tidy and strong. Or more accurately, be known to me. I won't let it be this time. Because at the moment, I'm afraid of the ticking clock.

51 comments:

  1. Read it within the first 10 mins of your posting!!!!!Wooohoo!!Niccee!!!:-D

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    Replies
    1. Hah, thank you very much, Rahul :) Hope you liked it.!

      Delete
  2. I can very much relate my situation with yours.
    I too don't know what wrong with me. At least you sleep more, I sleep less and sometimes don't even sleep.
    But then I just cover myself with artificial smiling face just not to make others curious about my situation.

    As you said, it must be time which you'd been waiting for . So, dive into the opportunities as they present themselves to you. Or better create some on your own.

    Well, Take Care. Eat more. Stay Healthy. :)

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    Replies
    1. I feel sorry for you. Hope things turn out well for you too.

      Yes, and I'm certain things get right back to the track when we create time on our own. Thank you! :)

      And the way you said 'Eat more' made me smile more widely! I'll try, thank you again!

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  3. You really need to figure out stuff, before you drown further in such emotions. You got to get a grip babe.. I hope you find your answers soon :)

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    Replies
    1. I need to, for sure. And I will. Thank you. :)

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  4. Don't worry...it's normal and everybody goes through low moments like these sometimes. It's up to you to decide what lessons and attitudes towards life you want to carry with you when you get through this!

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    Replies
    1. Its true. And I'll come out of this. Just that a lot of free time always makes me over-think things.

      Thank you. :)

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  5. Family is so valuable, if you have one you should treasure it before it's gone.


    /Avy

    http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. I try as much as possible, Avy. :) Thank you.. :)

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  6. Ooohhh, first comment here ever.

    And why do you worry so much? Just relax, sometimes you need to let looooooose. :) Breathe.

    Oh and you write brilliantly.

    Sonshu
    sonshus.blogspot.in

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    Replies
    1. Worrying is not a habit of mine, Sonshu. Just that one thing leads to another and sometimes we just happen to over think! But yeah, letting loose is always good. :)

      Oh yes, your first comment. :) Thank you :) I'm glad you like what I write.!

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  7. I can totally relate to this. I have been brought up with a lot of laughter and fun with cousins, but now even with them you miss them

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    Replies
    1. That's what. Can understand it truly.

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  8. things are gonna get better. :)

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  9. :(
    Numb,yes. Eating less,yes. Sleeping less too.
    Extreme emotions, then vacuum.

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  10. I hope you feel better dear!

    And you are from Aurangabad, my mom stays there. Did my schooling from there :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. :)

      Yeah, I am. That's nice. :)

      Delete
  11. Thank you so much for the lovely comment u left on my blog. Did not have the net for the longest time as I just moved into a new city. Sorry for the late reply. Love your blog. Your posts are really interesting

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    Replies
    1. Oh, its okay. Thank you very much :)

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  12. For some it's a phase that passes on , hope it's just that for you. For others it's a lifelong battle that they turn into pieces of art and writing. Take care and jump the slump.

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  13. Sigh! i get what u try to write! beautifuly expressed though!

    and i absolutely adore how u comment on evry post i put up! :) I am reading yours tonight! :D

    Love,
    twisha :)

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad you like it. :) Sure, I'd love to know get your feedback after you read tonight. :)

      Thank you very much, Twisha! :)

      Delete
  14. summer makes me feel so lazy too! i sleep more and i feel like i should be doing other productive things but it's not working. i keep going back to my lazy routines >.< i hope that everything works well for you though.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. Hope for the same for you too.

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  15. Everything is gonna be okay! :) *hugs*

    Tay
    x

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  16. I know what you mean. And it's funny how you keep dreaming about things that simply wont happen even when you know it. I understand how you feel. I can feel exactly how you feel.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Its funny. And despite being funny, it doesn't make you any less of a dreamer. If you're a dreamer, you're meant to go on and on.

      I'm glad.. thank you. :)

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  17. lovely post, very insightful, and that photos is almost dreamy - love.
    would you like to follow each other?
    A
    xx
    http://epiquemoi.blogspot.com

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  18. I hope everything would turn out to be fine! :)
    Summer really does bring out the laziness on everyone. Haha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, yes, such is summer, I guess!

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  19. hey, i love your blog! u changed ur name from capturing life .. i thought it was new blog hehe ... i love your words it touches my heart.
    tc friend :)

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    Replies
    1. Oh, yes I did.

      Thank you a tonne! :)

      Delete
  20. Sometimes you just have to wait to know what is it.And yes life seems to be moving inc circles.I hope you know it soon and come out of it :)
    A very nicely put up.
    Take care

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  21. Hope you get everything figured out =/
    I hope I do too, your post pretty much describes how I've been feeling recently too, glad I read it. I can't figure out what's going on with me or long it'll last or even how long it's been going on. It's that feeling of I know something seems wrong within me, but at the same time everything seems like it's okay, nothings changed. Maybe that's not what you were getting at here but you're post has unjummbled a few things inside of my head.
    Thanks for the post, hope you find a way out, circles can be a pain.

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    Replies
    1. I can totally understand, Rosette!
      The chaos and over thinking cause all this, I suppose. But never mind, I believe we fall apart only to stand up more strongly than ever before.

      Hope things fall at place at your end. Keep your chin up. :)

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  22. What a lovely blog....
    And I can totally relate to what you're saying, or atleast thats what I think I do.
    You know its this time in life, when all you long for is those summer holidays spent at cousines place , without inhibitions of the non-family, and eating mango pulp, and playing hide and seek.

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    Replies
    1. I couldn't agree with you more. This is so true.

      Thank you so much. :)

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  23. Draggy summer days. :)
    It was fun reading it.

    ReplyDelete

Let the soul in you speak. :)

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