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Wednesday, 28 December 2011

For survival's sake

I leave the room anyway. Unbelievable, how it feels better to leave it and choose the terrace instead. It'd comfort me more, for obvious reasons. But perhaps, only perhaps, I need to get out of my comfort zone. I want to. To let the weather outside shiver me badly.

Mother can now hear me shivering. She rubs her hands over mine. So soft and warm they feel leaving a motherly touch not only over my hands but all over me. Behind that constant rubbing feels her urge to calm me down sitting on that cot in the middle of night over our terrace.
 "What's wrong, will you tell me?", I can feel how much she needs to know the roots of such behaviour. Like my lying in bed, eyes closed but body movements frequently showing the restlessness off for what seemed like hours and then waking up all of a sudden in the dark, going up to the terrace. Something that made her come along when I left. "Nothing, I feel terrible!", I say, shivering. For some strange reason, the freezing atmosphere outside feels more familiar than the closed bedroom.

"You have to take it as it comes, honey. Whatever it is inside hurting you, you have to let it come out.", Hearing her speaking, still shivering, I remove her hands from her thighs. From the place where my head can fit perfectly. I lay my head down on them. Her sari, a cloth that is now bearing my sobs. "Things happen. We can never know why. If there's a life, it is this way." she adds, now-knowing that there really is something wrong. With her daughter. Her daughter that never really played with teddy bears back then in childhood. The one about whom the only sad thing is, according to her, that there are very few who understand her and not only figure her out.

I sob. A little more, knowing I have the warmth and the shelter I need, at least for tonight. She wants me to let everything come out realizing a fact that I won't do it fully. To let myself break down, just right now, only once but completely so that I'll soon stand up confidently and won't fall apart again. Her love, something I feel lucky to be capable of understanding. I shed tears, not freely. But reservedly, in the idea of what its like to break down.

17 comments:

  1. @les jeune fille à les oiseaux: You spoke my heart! :)

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  2. I changed my header, How do you like it now :)

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  3. Your words are so full of imagery and visualization .beautifully expressed...shimmering with emotions and the reader could feel it..got a taste of mother-daughter relationship!..reminded me of my mom too:) moms indeed rock!

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  4. I second Rohit.

    He has already said, what I wanted to :)

    ps: you can use statcounter.com to see who visited your blog and from where instead of feedjit...

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  5. @Serendipity: Yay, its better and cooler! :)

    @Rohit: Hey.. Thank you a million! I'm glad it reminded you of your mom, I feel that mother-son relationship seems more touching..perhaps, more than mother-daughter! They rock, yes, really!! Thank you once again! :)

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  6. @TheBluntBlogger: Hey thank you very much!! :) :)
    Yes, I'll try that for sure!

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  7. Mother is blessing!
    So deep post.

    Please visit my blog and follow each other.

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  8. This is beautiful. Your writing actually captured a mothers love.

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  9. i loved your blog! m following me,
    check out my blog too.. n do follow. thanks

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  10. @Izdiher: Hey thank you! :) Sure will I check your blog!

    @Skinnybusiness: Thank you.. yeah, I tried writing about her! :)

    @Puku: Oh, thank you very much.. :) Sure! :)

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  11. Wow. You're a wonderful writer :) Really inspirational :)

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  12. I think you love her very much and writing about things you have passion for always goes well.

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  13. @Nina: Hey, thank you, Nina! :) Such feedbacks inspire! :)

    @Skinnybusiness: Yes, I do. And writing has been like a blessing to me. It completes me! Thank you once again! :)

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  14. I sense a feeling of sweet sadness in every post of urs..

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  15. @Jayant: It makes me appreciate life a little more, everytime! :)

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  16. For tonight, a mother's embrace is more than enough to drive away our inner fears and sadness. Beautiful!

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Let the soul in you speak. :)

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