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Sunday, 5 February 2012

I walk on the cracking Ice


Some unknown hurry. Some desperation I knew but didn't have to come across. Until now. Until this specific moment. Its midnight. I guess so. I'm horrified. Scared. Feeling almost empty. And emptier, the more I think of what made me feel like it. The roots of it. The dream I just dreamt. The dream I happened to dream. Unwillingly, for sure.
I'd prefer anything over the kind of a dream I just dreamt, my instincts. No, nothing's going to happen to her, the voice almost yells from the inside. Needless to say the dream was worse than reality. So worse that the reality itself would rather seem and feel beautiful.
My mother used to say, considering the continuity of the dreams I dreamt back then, that people usually dreamt about things they constantly thought of or wished to happen. I remember the days when I used to stumble across the same as I did now. Bad, painful dreams, making me feel like I was never going to get away from them. Most of the dreams, back then, were the incidents I'd better die than revealing. I remember how the whole day used to pass easily but when the night appeared, how I used to get frightened even at the idea of having another dream every possible night. I cannot forget how I used to pray to God not to let it happen, without even knowing whether I believe in Him in the first place. Perhaps, getting rid of the dreams was easier than figuring out the belief. Imagining the time I'd live a life without such ghosts felt easier than handling the burden of constant thoughts terribly coming over to mind.
I regret arguing with my Granny. I regret the sake of proving my point. Perhaps, it overflowed. It, of course, did. Perhaps, I missed out somewhere. The tears rolling down her cheeks I noticed thereafter proved it. I do not wish for the nightmares to happen really. I cannot. I love her beyond. I love her enough to ignore the fact that she doesn't think I'll make it through the life I live although she cares about me.
Still, I don't understand why do I get painful dreams regarding funerals of people only when anything goes wrong.
At the other hand, I'm starting to believe that we are our own demons.

21 comments:

  1. post shows the intensity of feeling...
    and you have expressed it well..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Feelings are intense, indeed.
      Thank you! :)

      Delete
  2. We ARE our own demons.So true!Could really relate to parts of it.Been there,done that.

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    Replies
    1. Its good to meet people who've been there. Its relaxing!

      Delete
  3. We are our own demons, no one can deny that...

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  4. Ive had crazy dreams before too.. they are no fun

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  5. Well,if you are dreaming about some harm befalling you near and dear ones,it is only because you are very concerned about their well-being.Realize this thing...and try to be happy..:-)

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    Replies
    1. Guess its true. And yes, I really am concerned about them no matter in which way do I show that or do they see it.

      Thank you! :)

      Delete
  6. Believe it or not, dreams can make or break a person's heart. The worst part is, we don't know if they will come true or they are only a self-made imagination.

    Just take a rest dear, don't think too much. I hope you and your grandma will be okay soon.

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    Replies
    1. Really, its true! Depends on how we handle them, at the end of the day.

      I don't need to rest, I get alright myself after a specific time. No worries. Thank you, Haze! :)

      Delete
  7. Nightmares..They give me creeps. Sometimes, when I get bad dreams, I know that it's a dream, but it's next to impossible to get out of it. The moment.. It's horrible.
    Read the theories based on dream analysis. They are interesting.

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    Replies
    1. Same case with me, Philo!
      It used to pain much back then, I'm relieved it doesn't pain that much now.. but still, that's what it is. The pain always remains whether or not its less.

      Oh, sure will I give it a try. Thank you! :)

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  8. this was expressed really well! We are indeed our own demons. in a way.

    Hope things turn out well for you, always! xx

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    Replies
    1. I hope the same, Nadh. Thank you for your concern! :)

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  9. We never really Heal, Do we? We become immune to everything. Sigh! Needless to say, it is beautiful.

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    Replies
    1. I don't think we heal often. But I guess, we learn to appreciate the wounds when we look back because those wounds make us who we're meant to be.

      Thank you, thank you. :)

      Delete
  10. It's weird how dreams play a funny role. It seems real more than reality sometimes and it gets so difficult to comprehend. But then I console myself by saying- it's just a dream! *Hugs* .. these dreams will disappear..don't you worry :)

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Let the soul in you speak. :)

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