I was born a human
I'm passing The Overlord Award to Rahul http://randomrahul.blogspot.in/ Only a sentence: A great platform if fictions interest you!
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I am back to my hometown, three weeks before the birthday. I'd left this place for the sake of giving myself a break and I figured it was a well made decision. On the contrary, I did behave weirdly the day I left her place, for some unknown reasons. Sometimes I wonder whether we became best of friends by an accident but what mattered was the bond we shared. As true as it is, it confuses me many a times. Not that anything's wrong.
Here, since I'm back, I notice there are things I'm yet to figure out. If taken a look, I knew I was gonna find tremendous things yet to be sorted out but I did like the idea of keeping all those things in a pending zone of my mind, taking a break for a specific time, pretending for myself to throw up all my cares in the air and knowing I'm gonna have to head back to the zone that awaited me.
Human nature, I guess, is this way. Such a way where they know they have some battles to fight, some things they need to be assured of. Yet they choose to do what they know society would accept. Some go after what they actually want, some don't. And the ones who do, end up being unhappy..somehow. Those who don't, no, I'd better not speak of their unhappiness. The depression, lack of satisfaction and pleasure makes one need a shelter to get on with even if one doesn't seek it. After all, how many people exist out there who seek something and satisfy completely and truly when they actually achieve it? And how many people who don't go after their wants in the first place?
I wonder what's better. I wonder what's less painful. What's real and what gives the most pleasure of all. I do not let the mental phase come to me these days for I know it directs me somewhere I know I'll never come back from. Then again, I wonder if I'm keeping it real. I'm not. Am I keeping that phase away for the sake of remaining and surviving where I stand at the moment? I am. And I dislike it. But I see glimpses of times that would grab me entirely and would never let go of my fingers despite the screams and shouts of society standards and cries of my true self knowing where it belongs.
Scared, I'm not. Shattered, I'm not. I know I could be. It felt good to throw my cares up in the air for some time. It makes me think how would it feel if I throw up my own desires like that. But I had come back then and I'll remotely come back even now, for sure. All I don't know is whether I'd want to come back to what I desired the most if destiny allows me to do as I wish.
***
I am back to my hometown, three weeks before the birthday. I'd left this place for the sake of giving myself a break and I figured it was a well made decision. On the contrary, I did behave weirdly the day I left her place, for some unknown reasons. Sometimes I wonder whether we became best of friends by an accident but what mattered was the bond we shared. As true as it is, it confuses me many a times. Not that anything's wrong.
Here, since I'm back, I notice there are things I'm yet to figure out. If taken a look, I knew I was gonna find tremendous things yet to be sorted out but I did like the idea of keeping all those things in a pending zone of my mind, taking a break for a specific time, pretending for myself to throw up all my cares in the air and knowing I'm gonna have to head back to the zone that awaited me.
Human nature, I guess, is this way. Such a way where they know they have some battles to fight, some things they need to be assured of. Yet they choose to do what they know society would accept. Some go after what they actually want, some don't. And the ones who do, end up being unhappy..somehow. Those who don't, no, I'd better not speak of their unhappiness. The depression, lack of satisfaction and pleasure makes one need a shelter to get on with even if one doesn't seek it. After all, how many people exist out there who seek something and satisfy completely and truly when they actually achieve it? And how many people who don't go after their wants in the first place?
I wonder what's better. I wonder what's less painful. What's real and what gives the most pleasure of all. I do not let the mental phase come to me these days for I know it directs me somewhere I know I'll never come back from. Then again, I wonder if I'm keeping it real. I'm not. Am I keeping that phase away for the sake of remaining and surviving where I stand at the moment? I am. And I dislike it. But I see glimpses of times that would grab me entirely and would never let go of my fingers despite the screams and shouts of society standards and cries of my true self knowing where it belongs.
Scared, I'm not. Shattered, I'm not. I know I could be. It felt good to throw my cares up in the air for some time. It makes me think how would it feel if I throw up my own desires like that. But I had come back then and I'll remotely come back even now, for sure. All I don't know is whether I'd want to come back to what I desired the most if destiny allows me to do as I wish.
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Best of luck for everything.I know you are very strong and passionate peep.
ReplyDeleteLove you so much.
Thank you, Izdiher! Support matters! :)
DeleteThank you so so much....:-) Btw,my name is Rahul not Rohit.:-)
ReplyDeleteBut I really really thank u from the bottom of my heart......Thank u..
Oh, sorry, I know you're Rahul. Just a spelling mistake as I was in a 'lost' mood while updating this post! Hope you didn't take it otherwise!!
DeleteAnd yeah, you're most welcome. You deserved it. :)
your blog design is great .. wonderful post too <3
ReplyDeleteThank you, Ann! :)
DeleteComing back to something we left before.. You write so well :) And the picture goes with it perfectly, like in all your posts :P
ReplyDeleteYes, I guess some things and people deserve our comeback! :)
DeleteThank you for the appreciation, Philo! :) :)
It's a pleasure to read your work :)
DeleteSometimes, well most of the times, opposite feelings(such as happy and sad,hopeful and hopeless etc.) can be felt together at the same time and it might feel like it's hard to bear and it's so overwhelming that it energizes you from the inside but your arms and legs feels too tired and numb to do anything about it. And it leads us thinking, overthinking that is. Which leads to sitting in limbo and that finally leads to despair. So i say, you should pluck up the courage to chase what you're born to chase and be who you're born to be instead of getting lost in your thoughts. It's hard though i know, i'm writing these lines here not only for you but also for me as well, because I know if i can't be myself then i just cannot be. Everybody has a background and has reasons for why they are the way they are, when they say something that brings you down, there's a reason that doesn't include you - it's about how they lived and what they went through and how it turned out on their personalities and minds. Some people are more manipulated by society that they look through its eyes and some tries harder to keep their own minds and souls. So be you no matter how hard it gets. And if you're still depressed after you choose going for what you want and still depressed after you achive it, it will still worth it. Because you will have so many other, beautiful emotions alongside the ones that your depression gives you. Like i sad, we usually experience more than one emotion at a time and it's ok, it's better if we just just accept them as they come. But if you choose to become what society thinks you should and abandon your dreams, probably the only thing you will end up having is going to be the depression itself. Don't you think? That's what i think it would happen to me anyway. Oh yes, these were my ramblings. :)
ReplyDeleteI'd be lying if I said I didn't agree. Every word you said here, I nodded, nodded and nodded! It occurs to me that some things are just made to give us directions regarding how much of an change can we be capable of. Such as not being who we really are, or even finding exactly who we're meant to be. Depression is painful, yes, but on the contrary, it makes you realize things in a different way that nothing else can.
DeleteI just don't need to say anything else, you spoke it all! Our ramblings resemble pretty well! :)
What a lovely blog!!!! Just want to stay here forever....can I?
ReplyDeleteAh, this made my day!! :)
DeleteI'd love to have such a reader forever, anyone would!! :)
:) Keep writing girl...keep writing...
ReplyDeleteI will, always! :)
DeleteAnd this one too! I am goin to print all, you know! You writing is enchanting. It leaves me craving for more!
ReplyDeleteIt really feels honoured, just so you know. You're encouraging me more. :)
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