.a written note.

And do I need to know the age of my soul, really? Do I need to know how old it is? I wonder. As the greenish sky-blue curtains of this bedroom don't mind letting themselves flow, letting themselves be dominated by the summer air, the wild afternoon air, I don't mind going with the flow either. Like a child, I happen to think whether these old yet fresh curtains sometimes purify and cool down the hot summer air first before allowing it to reach me. I become more childlike mentally and wonder if its always been like this. When I see the one who has lately become my everything, my pet, resting entirely over a cold surface that we would call veranda, a smile appears to my face out of..nowhere. A smile, I know, full of memories. I pass by this veranda every time I get in and out, but how this adorable pet of mine, having come to where he was awaited for two long years, owns a power to make me recall everything I witnessed here. Over this veranda. How I lived the best hours o...

I'll be lying if I say I care. I don't. I don't care how many new emotions I meet as long as emptiness fills me. Should I?  Like the Sun doesn't mind, can't mind letting its light accompany it like an inseparable part of it every time it arises, I don't mind this emotion filling me physically, emotionally. My lungs, veins, cells and my brown skin. My thoughts, dreams and fears and flaws. I am not the Sun, but I wonder whether its burning that spreads the light, that uncontrollably gentle and dominating light all over the floor and the air of this universe, is strong and pure enough to enter one's soul. I remember how unstable I used to get because of one specific source. No, I don't blame the source, I wonder if I failed to grab the beauty, the positivity as much as instability I possibly got. But I can't wonder much. I don't. I've probably come farther than the path where I would've had asked for assurance, security around somet...

Things to be sorted out were all I'd kept in the pending zone of my mind, a number of days before and after I turned nineteen. I called my meet with N a break I probably needed but its too soon to call it a break and to give myself one in the first place. My meet with N, the time we spent together in a complete different place, perhaps, was nameless. Without any label. And maybe, I truly hope, maybe, the very anonymity of it was what I needed to occupy the meantime. The meantime when there were huge possibilities of me doing the unnecessary and getting myself stuck in yet another mess. There lay gladness in me initially. Gladness of knowing I'm still capable enough to be flexible and let things happen as they do, take life as it comes. To accept the unacceptable and rearrange the could-have-been-broken parts. To deny the guilt and hatred and define change in a new way. It was a little hard to know the gladness lay somewhere inside due to the presence of confusion, ...

I've been tagged in an Eleven Post from Izdiher, who happens to be a great supporters for the words I share here. There are questions I have to answer. So here I go without wasting any more time since I love answering questions. :) 1. You look like? Ans: I look North Indian. Kolkata. Bengali girl, so I've been told. 2. You live like? Ans: Like a trouble maker lives. 3. Where are your keys? Ans: You don't know, since you ask. 4. How much money do you have in your pocket at the moment? Ans: I don't. Empty today. 5. You love those places where..? Ans: Where I can read, have fun. Kind of a shadowy place. Also a happening one. 6. Where is Africa? Ans: I've been weak at Geography! 7. You're hooked on? Ans: Depends. 8. What came first, egg or hen? Ans: Your question! 9. Why Zebra wears stripped dress? Ans: Probably having a good sense of style! 10. Why the Sun is yellow? Ans: Because the Moon isn't. 11. Your dream bf is..? Ans: Unde...

Freedom is what I seek, looking out of my untitled dream. Fantasy comes along since I live and exist at the same time. I pray to you, the Lord of the Lords, although I know not the prayers, I need not the words..to converse with you and demand. My silence gets heard, so I believe. Just a soul I am perhaps, in the world that is now familiar. Filled with anonymity and worth. I pray to you, the Lord of the Lords, to help me solve the mysteries. I'm a river that doesn't follow, but flows in a direction nonetheless. I am yet to meet my ocean of desires. I am yet to know the truths that are meant for me to know. I pray to you, the Lord of my soul, to make for me my pathways visible. To let me know one good reason why I exist. To free the ways that belong to me. To free me from the ways I've left behind.