As I set the jar full of myself free in a river that I don't know what I should call, it accepts my contribution and I suddenly start realizing that those before me have given bits of themselves to this river too, like the petals of a flower. Some plucked some of their parts and let go of them in here. Like those parts were nothing. Some gave away themselves completely and again, like they were nothing. I can't really see what they contributed but I sure see the space slowly getting full. This river appears like some invention by the unknown and I come to think its been flowing from the lane attached to my window, showing me signs that its time.
And I have just emptied myself. In the idea of what its like to empty something. I can't see the petals but I see the water coming up and I remember one of the tales I was told, back in my childhood. The tale of a thirsty crow that puts small stones inside a pot of water, how the water level raises up and how its thirst vanishes later. I go a little deeper and feel that the petals, the given-away parts, must be too heavy for the water to remain stable. Too heavy for them to carry them along everyday knowing its a burden. And too easy they were to just throw them away somewhere, like in the river, knowing they'd keep flowing along but never would they be entirely gone. I have some pity for such petals that once defined their owner's identity and I wonder at the same time whether it has been easy for me too. To empty.
Despite still wandering around the paths where I'm unknown of God's existence, the faith that resides in me assures me that it was destined to be though it wasn't easy. For me to let go of myself this way. Only to understand that letting go wasn't any easier for those before me as well.
Like the music that releases us from the tyranny of conscious thought, here's to my new found love for my idea of letting go. Its time. And I'll just stop and breathe.. for a while it may seem.