On writing

Writing has become tough. It’s like that small town not too far from where I live but whenever I plan on visiting, it’s either raining heavily or the traffic is just too much; meaning I postpone. Procrastinate. Unlike before, when I didn’t visit but lived there for as long as I wanted. It was home. It was easy. The traffic, the rain, none of it mattered. The town existed within.

It helped me connect with myself the first time in life and I still haven’t experienced anything close to that feeling when you know how well in sync you are with yourself. It was just so unreal and the most real experience all at the same time. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be classy. It doesn’t have to be overflown with self-love just because I mentioned connecting with self. Rather, it’s not about self-love. It’s about self. I’ve lately come to understand how essential it is to know and be generous or at least, acceptable about or with oneself, your own self.

I didn’t realize I was close to something and the value of that intimacy until I threw myself far in a seemingly unreachable state. But I wonder how it can be unreachable if it’s within sight or vice versa?

Something tells me there’s hope, and I plan on clinging to even the tiniest of leap of it because I’ve been there. I know the power of words and what it does to a person, inside, deep inside and to everything around that person. A writer has one hell of a magic stick. I held it in my hands before and I don’t fancy the power but the ability to be worthy enough to write. Because words, they create what’s invisible. And when I’m not able to do that, to write, the walls collide and I don’t feel anything less than being handicapped.

When I can’t write but want to fight the temporary inability, I write in broken sentences that speak abruptly and five minutes later, I can’t bring out any meaning out of it. I’ve grown bad at human relations and this has started surprising me with occasional outbursts. I understand now that the gap is not between me and people. The gap lies within.