Stilled

By -
On some nights like this, to sleep won't be all that I would want. It will be something I wouldn't mind getting but there are many more and other things under the sun that I am still awaiting.
I have come here, already decided, to communicate tonight.
I write here. And you have to believe that I do not know the reason as to why I do that. Why I write.
I've been travelling a lot lately and I've succeeded in not allowing the landscapes making me go hollow, deep in the belly of my thoughts. Some of those who read here, seldom ask me of the solitude they feel. I haven't yet decided on putting solitude in words to begin with. Not yet. Why haven't I written words of joy, they wonder. Perhaps it's just me who goes up there via this route. Solitude, as they call it.
I'm thinking of writing stories about others, and by others, I mean, those whom you haven't met yet. I have met you in certain ways, though I'm unsure we both have met each other at the same time. I need to put a pause to everything I've written until tonight, to stop the obsession, either by you or me. And to those who don't recognize the happiness in what I write, I see joy in the sky. I can visit it only on some nights like this.

I spent a number of days with N, trying to give one last try to let it out, to speak what I want to, one last time. And as expected, I failed. I give up here and now. It's difficult. Times are changing. Truly blessed souls are getting tired and they themselves don't know why. Some spark has been lost. And it cannot be replaced.
Winter has always been another meaning to my comfort. My heart echoes a quote by John Burrough as I don't stop feeling like held between two sides from the inside.

 I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.

Tell me, what melody does your heart tune in to when you want to be awake in spite of the sleep you need?

Nevertheless, I won't stop writing.




Comments

  1. MominaDecember 18, 2012 11:16 pm

    Sometimes, you just have to let things go, and they come out themselves. You tried, you haven't failed, maybe it's not meant to be for that moment.

    Never stop writing! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. ArcaneDecember 19, 2012 2:49 am

    I too have moments like this or maybe I'm still having them. And it's not easy to let go and all you can do is back away to stop losing yourself.

    Sometimes writing only helps you heal though it takes you through hell, so don't give it up ever!

    Neither good time stays nor bad, it always passes this will too :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. ShahaDecember 19, 2012 9:13 pm

    I sometimes feel like that too. Writing helps. :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. hazeDecember 20, 2012 1:58 am

    Oh, please don't.
    The heart is too little to contain emotions, dear. Never stop.

    ReplyDelete
  5. AVYDecember 23, 2012 2:38 pm

    Life is short, and that hurt sometimes.

    /Avy

    http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com

    ♥

    ReplyDelete
  6. deepsDecember 26, 2012 11:35 pm

    Christmas greetings and wishes for a bright n beautiful New Year ahead

    ReplyDelete
  7. Mariamma Iris December 27, 2012 8:13 am

    Your blog is very nice. You are a beautiful writer :).

    xo,
    Mariamma

    ReplyDelete
  8. JackJanuary 21, 2013 4:26 am

    I do I do,

    A time comes in life when one feels at cross roads because of some happening in life. That is when one needs to gather self and leave the past behind to live in present doing what own conscience says. Thanks for assurance that you will not stop writing.

    Take care

    ReplyDelete

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